JKV425

EDIT:  I should have proofread this before I posted; Lion has taken my typos and corrected them HORRIBLY. Spell check was turned off. :)

I do believe when I initially started this account, it would be the ramblings of a crazed law graduate, preparing for the bar exam.  However, that didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, considering I  was too busy to even maintain a life  … and here I am, approximately 4 1/2 months later, still barely having the time to write anything.   Whoops.

To be honest, life has been moving FAST. I can’t believe how much has happened, how much I’ve accomplished and how much things changed over the last few years.  I experienced loss, gain, happiness, sadness - you name the emotion and I would be able to associate a part of my life to it. And quite frankly — hell, I am still in disbelief I’ll be 30 years old! WoW! :P

I remember way back when (elementary school), I wanted to be an artist, then a doctor. I started my undergraduate course of study in the biological sciences … got side tracked (welcome to my life) and went from nursing to law and I sit before you today, pending admission to practice law in the state of New York.  Sure, okay — that makes sense (actually sarcasm cannot be expressed well over the internet).  

And yet, deep down inside, a passion for gaming and yes, even art is still within me.  Not sure if many of you know, but I actually have a talent for art, although my professional life and academia didn’t leave much time for me to express it.  Oh yea, and one more thing — I have a never-ending curiosity  when it comes to the technical/mechanical operation of any sort.  Hence the reason why I love learning about computers and gadgets, repairing and modifying. 

… So does my naiveté about pop culture sound foolish to you still?  Probably not … especially if you are one to have asked me for advice in a computer, legal or medical sense.  I am not one to really brag, but one does get tired of the “OMG, you don’t know who <insert name here> is?!”  Well, because I don’t go around to others stating, “OMG you don’t know <insert relevant field question> here?”  Then again, when my patience runs short, I do come across insulting, but I really try not to insult anyone.  (And I do apologize after, explaining myself and admitting I was in the wrong).  It is wrong to insult others like that because after all, you only know what you experience and see and what you care to learn.

I got a little side-tracked there, but that has been something that’s been bothering me for quite some time. I wanted to talk about the transition from nursing to law.

“So Jenn, how is it switching from nursing to law?” 

Simply stated:  AWESOME.

“Aren’t you nervous that medical malpractice may be a dying field with all the tort reform debate and development?” 

No, not at all.  Sure, there are no “windfalls,” but at the same time, I would never want to be an ambulance chaser.  And as far as “malpractice” is concerned — if there is a human element, there will always be a malpractice element to it, and this is true across the board, whether it is medical, legal, technical, and so forth. Spoiler alert: Greed and selfishness will always exist and with this, imperfection due to a blameworthy cause. Unfortunately, society needs either a deterrent or an incentive, and as long as the aforementioned conditions exist, law will exist.  So we’re not going anywhere.  And I apologize if I disturbed your utopian view of law and medicine, but you must know by now it is the truth, and if not, message me because I can recommend many good books on it.  I may not read famous fiction, but I do read a lot of non-fiction. 

“So how is it?”

Well, I love the fact I have my own space.  Yes, I have my own work space to think, perform research and craft a product without interruption.  I also love the independence I am given; people trust and RESPECT me — and this is true with everyone I work with.  It is a pleasure and honor to work for the firm I presently am employed with. Additionally, I am lucky to have the pleasure of working with a friend from law school, who actually reminded me the other day (when I was flipping out that I was going to be late because of traffic) that I am salaried and that I make my own hours, as long as I get all the work assigned to me done. 

Let’s pause there. MIND BLOWN.  

I come from a field where they belittle you for being two minutes late — no seriously, I had to clock in. There is no clocking in. There is no checking in.  That’s right.  Here — they know you are going to be there, that you take your job — no, YOUR CAREER seriously and you will work hard because you want to be here.  Well, hell yes, I want to be here and hell yes, I will work hard to be the best.   This is the environment I will thrive in because rather than having the AOC called on me  every other shift, I am given the freedom to grow. What a wonderful concept.

So, is this what a true profession is like?  I love it.  And I know that’s a bit controversial to say, but nursing has a long way to go. I will give you an example. Lawyers want the younger lawyers to grow. Sure, they can be a bit aggressive with certain deadlines, but any profession or job is like that.   The fact the finger pointing and belittling occurs in the nursing field is my major gripe … and it hasn’t changed nor improved over the last eight years I’ve been in that field. It comes from doctors and YES, even senior nurses.  So much for camaraderie. *Rolls eyes*

Now, onto the negative. The only negative is … I’m so slow! I feel like I don’t know basic procedural issues and this is my fault. I didn’t do a summer associateship because I could have sworn I was doing medical school after. Life is funny, is it not?  That’s normal though.  I will get used to it. :) I’m confident in that.

Lastly, I wanted to end this post with some shout outs. I want to thank www.hbg.co for their awesome casts.  I actually “discovered” them randomly and found myself tuning into them every night as stress relief.  It’s a great casual gaming channel that made me laugh and calmed me.  Furthermore, my friend Mike T with the awesome gaming nights and “Big Bang Theory” showings helped too.  Without them, I would have had many (more) breakdowns. I know my buddy Mike has experienced some, and for him to put up with it, I thanked him (and apologized a lot haha).

One quick note: Hotbloodedgaming.com ran one of the most epic gaming marathons to raise money for Toys for Tots.  The owner and co-founder of the site was up .. .THE ENTIRE WEEKEND FOR THE CAUSE (Over 48 hours). Talk about dedication and hard work. And seriously, this man deserves much recognition.  I’ve never seen such dedication and work for a charity cause like this. He started the marathon Friday, at approximately 8 pm and finished Sunday evening. Did not sleep a wink. I don’t know anyone who has put themselves through so much for a charity, so hats off to you and my utmost respect.  

Check out HBG:  www.hotbloodedgaming.com and their broadcasts (which are purely entertaining) on week nights at www.twitch.tv/hotbloodedgaming.  You can also follow the co-founder and owner @Kreyg on twitter.   

Oh, one last thing. This past Thanksgiving, a friend and colleague passed away. Sonia Lee. She was a great person. When I first moved to 2S, the surgical ICU, she and Aynsley Forsythe, were the first people to befriend me.  I appreciate their friendship.  I truly  regret the loss of a great individual like Sonia, however I am glad her suffering is no more.  I am relieved that you are in peace. <3

I *think* I have Torts down.  That is, until I start my practice questions tonight. The work is slightly manageable, if you do it according to their “methodology.”  It’s still a lot and I wish I wasn’t working at all. Pffffft, all I have to say is:  ”I got this. 8-)”  Too bad it doesn’t look as awesome as it does in other chat clients.

My current method: Reviewing hand-written notes, then creating an entirely new outline (hand-written as well) to help with the memorizing. I’m being diligent at a color coordinating different elements of the law, New York distinctions, as well as hypothetical remarks. I have to work tonight, but the advantage of working nights is that generally it is less busy.  (There are no procedures or operations, nor is anyone coming in and leaving a surgical unit unless there are emergencies).  

My friends, for the most part, are very understanding.  My bestest over here, Belin, told me he missed me last night — I missed him too — stopped by to say hello and give him a Razer Lycosa keyboard.  (I don’t know who told me it was a good keyboard but a friend (Lamonte, aka G4MR) told me it wasn’t and that I should return it.  As the situation rolled out, I was too lazy to go out to Best Buy to return the keyboard and rather, just gifted it to him.   He actually appreciates it and is currently a much happier WoW’er.  I also have others who keep trying to plan … but damn, this working part time and studying for the Bar really leaves nothing.  Or they plan events weekends or nights I am working and I’m still not able to go, even if I manage to make some time off.   I’m feeling the sentiment that I’ll be lucky to have friends left over after this.

On a side note:  I had to rush my father off the phone when he called me today; this made me extremely sad.  He usually never really calls to say hello; there is a general understanding that I am doing fine (and so is he) - however today, it felt different and I’m really sorry that I had to rush him off like that.  I was finishing a practice essay that was assigned and needed to be completed by tomorrow and I needed to get it done before I go into work (I work until tomorrow morning at 8 am).

When I’m done with this exam, I’m going to visit him for a week … or I hope and would like to.  And seriously, the gaming stopped for the most part, with the exception of watching streams and whatnot for breaks.  

(Not the bar we meet friends for drinks, but the exam to obtain the license to practice law in a given jurisdiction). 

Thoughts after finishing week 1:  Cramming an entire subject that I took during my first year in law school into a mere three days seemed pretty damn well impossible, but I have to say that I am rather impressed.  The professor is well spoken (and just because one is a law professor does not always mean he or she is well spoken - faulty assumption I made back when I was a 1L).  He was also very entertaining with his memorable hypotheticals - as I’ve shown a handful of friends this.  His negligence per se hypothetical contained the following “exchanges”:

“I’m gonna sit here and smoke this [blunt] and see how many tiny animals I can make out in the cracks of the wall… .”

…

“Later on the neighbor comes home and sees what happened; a few harsh words were exchanged -[pause]-  You ignorant slut, you blew up my wall!”

Haha, this guy is nuts! Yet I remembered every hypothetical when I refer back to my notes and look at the shorthand of the examples discussed in class.  Also, in an attempt to pay “strict” attention, I decided to write out my notes the way we did back in antiquity - that is, I brought a notebook and two pens with me to class.  (I have always had a computer (laptop), even in undergrad).  The end result? This forced me to take notes effectively, thus forcing me to note efficiently, rather than just blindly typing exactly what the professor stated.  This may not work for everyone, however, it is perfect for me.

Everyone reassures me that I”ll be fine and not to worry, but this exam is very intimidating.  I go to bar review with classmates, but I barely talk to them because I do not want to get distracted from the purpose:  I’m not here to make friends; I’m here to pass this bar exam at whatever cost.  I have a job lined up and have already started “making my way out the door” gracefully here at my hospital.  To fail this exam would be an abomination to myself and I definitely do not want to take this exam twice.

I accept the fact I will barely see friends.

I accept the fact I will not game (heavily - shut up haters :P).

I accept the fact my time is no longer my own.

Am I still working? Unfortunately yes, because I was not granted a leave of absence; my manager did advocate for me, however, dropping me to part time was the best he could do.  I am actually very grateful.  Thank you sir. 

I do have this birthday part to attend; it is the first birthday of their son and this couple happens to be one of the few of my greatest friends. I am already late, but I made it a point to at least right some thoughts on bar review to keep tabs on myself and to prevent bar prep-induced insanity. 

:D Thanks @minitsunami21:

it doesn’t even matter because

your schedule is sleep->Work->Sleep

aka be lame-> Be lamer -> Be lame again

you do have your transitions down

I’ll give you that much

After this gem:

jen jen jen

jen jen jen

jen jen jen jen jen

jen jen jen

jen jen jen jen

jen jen jen jen jen

jennnnnn

My response: 

omg whaaaaaaaa

i just got home

Minitsunami: 

lol

woah

good timing

i was singing jingle bells

using only your name

When I was holding a salamander, failing at cooking (I was trying to cook french fries), and laughing with family during dinner, a small team of soldiers (Navy Seal) were infiltrating the mansion where they trusted the intelligence of their higher ups, and engaged in an epic firefight resulting in the death of Osama Bin Laden. 

Crazy. I just keep rethinking…as I was failing at french fries, these individuals were doing that very task.

Damn. Just damn.  Something incredible is always happening.

This is good, isn’t it?

The word “disappointment” could not encapsulate the intense emotion I have right now.  Of all the miserable events that have occurred as I grew up, there remains a very select, as well as very few, pool of events that no language in this world could convey to express the plethora of ill feelings I have towards the recent turn of events.

For one, you have lost my respect.  I cannot believe this is how two individuals, whom have had such an integral role in my upbringing, would carry on such conduct.  I believe it does not even amount to the level of juvenile.   What is even more intriguing is that a third party, myself, had to intervene to get you to disclose the very facts that were upsetting you that drove you to suddenly cease all communication with my father, leaving him in a saddened and bewildered state.  I will be completely honest that when I first found out, the emotion that ran though my blood was hatred.  After the initial shock and a few deep breaths, the rational side took control. That is why I contacted you and found out what happened.  I had humbly asked that you at least hint my father in what was wrong, yet you replied that I should convey them to my father.  Actually, no – that was your role and perhaps I overestimated that you would have figured that out.  Presently and regretfully, I apologize for that.   I saw your letter and what you said to him was nothing close to the correspondences we had.  Pitiful.  A child would have more sense to let someone know when he is upset.  I realize that my father is stubborn as well, and expressed my discontent to him about it as well.  In the end, I had no choice but to forward him our correspondences, the simple yet meaningful action I initially had faith you would do. 

Now, to the letter:  You call that full disclosure? I call that cowardly.  Your email? Your accusations (whether true or not – this is not what I have issue with) are vague and communicate anger towards Jimmy, as you disjointedly conclude that my father has just “used” you.  Was I the only English speaker reading the correspondences between you and he? Probably, and there is a part of me that wants to give you the benefit of the doubt that the turgid incoherent response you sent my father was because of hurt. However, part of me has already given you the benefit of the doubt when I reached out the first time because seriously, why is “the child” mediating this nonsensical matter?  I call it nonsensical because if it mattered at all, both of you would come face-to-face rather than what actually resulted: angry hearsay. 

You are outrageous as well as ____.  Back in grade school, I used to love when third parties fed the fire, but it is not amusing an adult.  Rather, it is reckless, blind and vile.  Albeit hearsay, ___ shoveled an enormous amount of snow onto this deck causing the ultimate demise of it.  Now whether the deck was faulty or not – and please silence your previously stated assumptions – What moron would have concluded that it was a sound idea to dump that much weight onto a deck rather than a frozen ground?   And is it true you let the same individual in question rebuild it? Well then, pardon my conclusion when I say that entire situation consists of epic degrees of failure. Let me inquire, “who is using who?”

If all of these offenses have stricken against you as unjustifiably stated, then why did you lack the sense to say something earlier? Furthermore, why are you lacking it now to sit down and talk (rather then just coming up here and ignoring him).  I seriously regret taking time to even write this out, but unlike your approach, I actually cared to see a resolution.  The very fact you did not say everything in your first letter, combined with the recent email, conveys to me that it’s not even worth it to talk to you anymore.  Thank you for allowing me to realize that I probably wasted my time here again.  I do not care for your recent greetings and well wishes since that is what you’ve expressed to him.  If this is how you treat and value life-long friendship and love – I do not need to be privy to it nor do I want it.

Regret is a result of many characteristics, but definitely those of ignorance and lack of perception.  It sucks, but so does loneliness.  I hope you never experience it, but I do not appreciate you for letting my father feel that way.   I know he misses you and the more I see him suffer, the more these ill emotions build up.  I’ve come to the conclusion I was a fool to have any sense of hope for resolution.  One day, I hope to apologize for this letter; that it was out of intense emotion, but I do not think that day will come (I hope you prove me wrong). 

So this is what is left of everything that was once beautiful:  a melancholy, hopeless state of being, tinged with regret, anger with a twist of hate.  I find you and your conduct heartless and reprehensible. 

So, I was talking to my friend Liz after we took our evidence final — ya know, eating some wings, having some drinks and I’m not sure how it came up, but I was demanding that I be at the wedding or I was trying to “steal” her from her boyfriend … anyways here’s how hit went down.  I asked her for her boyfriend’s number.  Put it in the phone but kinda stumbled a bit because ….

Me: I wish I was lesbo cuz she said I can 6 pool the wedding

Me: I meant that for Liz’s boyfriend! lol sorry

Because I accidentally texted one of my other classmates (who has no idea of what Starcraft 2 is) … I woke up to his message:

Friend: HAHAHAHA That’s so awesome

Normally, I should be embarrassed, but this is almost standard.